Lindsay is going to leave the Lohan behind!

Lindsay Lohan

What do you do when you run your name into the ground? Get a new one! Yeah, that’s never backfired before, right? Whatever. Anyway, Lindsay Lohan is working to legally drop her surname following her Dad’s grand return to the world of vagina-kicking craziness. Although considering this is coming from mother of the decade Dina Lohan, whose two main hobbies include lying about her daughter and hating her ex-husband, Michael Lohan, you should probably take this with a molecule of salt.

“Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay,” Dina tells me, exclusively. “Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan.”

“So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list,” a family friend tells me. “And it’s a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay’s father [Michael Lohan] anymore and that includes sharing a last name.” SOURCE

So basically, Lindsay is changing her name, so says the crazy enabler lady who hates the name “Lohan” and who’s been telling Lindsay that vodka is an acceptable substitute for water since she was eight-years-old. “Sorry sweetie, I couldn’t pick you up a water bottle for your soccer game today. Here, take this flask of Smirnoff. Do they still give out oranges at halftime? Super! You’ve got yourself a screwdriver! Awwww, you’re my favorite welfare check … I mean child. Want a Oxycontin?”

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.