All the pregnant ladies, put your hands up!

… Hey, it was either that or “If you liked it then you shoulda put your sperm in it”, but there’s only so much I can get away with in the header. Anyway, it’s (almost) official: Beyoncé is pregnant! And uh … Ummmmmm … Fuck, I already used my one Single Ladies joke, didn’t I? Well, what if I said her baby is Destiny’s Child? Oh God you’re right, that is lame. Read the blurb while I drink until I forget how much I suck.

“B was shocked. She loves kids, but she wasn’t ready to be a mother just yet,” says a source of the singer, who married rapper Jay-Z in 2008. “She really wanted to get her album done and tour the world again.” Still, another insider says that the singer, who is in her first trimester, realizes that “this is a gift from God and she’s so happy.” SOURCE

Now, where was I? Oh yes, Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Yeah, they’re just … they’re … FUCK. How is it that you can barely turn on a goddamn radio without hearing one of their songs, yet they’re just so squeaky clean? One of you fuckers needs to run over a baby or something already, because this shit is starting to get ridiculous.

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.