What’s funny about last weekend’s box office is that the two main releases, Lucy and Hercules, were really cut from the same cloth: Both were big loud action movies that so lovingly embraced the conventions they were in that they ended up turning into brilliantly entertaining little nuggets of cinema. But ultimately, Lucy wound up winning this weekend with a $44 Million opening, which is what happens when you give director Luc Besson room to do his thing. Fifth Element represent!
And likewise, Hercules took home the silver medal this week with a $29 Million opening. And now for some reason all I can think about is what would happen if you filled Hercules with brain-altering drugs. Unstoppable demi-God with the brain of a super-computer and the body of The Rock? Put that on screen for 90 minutes, make all the money. NEXT!
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes finally descended from the top of the box office with a $16.4 Million haul, and actually, since I’m already playing mad scientist what with my Lucy / Hercules cross-over up there, let’s tinker around with movie watching some more, shall we? Because I just had the best / worst idea ever: monkey theatres. Give monkeys currency, let them choose their own movies, and compare it with the domestic box office. Does America have better taste in movies than a bunch of new-money chimpanzees? Would orangutans watch Planet of the Apes? Would it be a drama or a comedy for them? Only time will tell!
The Purge: Anarchy brought in another $9.8 Million this weekend, and — sorry, I’m still hung up on monkey theatres. How would monkeys deal with horror / thrillers? The more I think about this, the more I need it to be a thing in real life. Be right back, I have to go to the Toronto Zoo and give the monkeys some two-for-one tickets.
Planes: Fire & Rescue made $9.3 Million this weekend. Even the monkeys are disappointed with Planes: Fire & Rescue.
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.
