DJ Paris Hilton: Queen of house music?

Paris Hilton

What’s a famous whore to do when they’ve successfully bombed their career through a combination of cocaine and self-absorption? They become a DJ! Seriously, I’ve seen it first hand, and according to TMZ, the latest former-celebrity to jump on the bandwagon is Paris Hilton since let’s face it, it’s not like she has any other skills to fall back on other than being able to press “play” on her iPod.

Sources close to P tell TMZ … Hilton has been traveling the world to shadow some super-famous DJs to get some guidance for her upcoming house music album. We’re told Hilton has become pretty tight with HUGE names like Afrojack and Deadmau5 — and even plans to appear on stage with Deadmau5 in the near future. One source extremely close to the heiress tells us, Hilton’s been told by the best in the biz she could become the “Queen of house music” — because “no woman has ever taken over in that arena … and she wants to become that person.”

Oh joy, because what the world really need was another has-been drug addict playing terrible music from their iPod while being paid way too much fucking money for it. Although God help the poor girl if anyone ever locks the iPod on her. “What the- Why won’t the music play? How do I turn it on? Oh God… Without my iPod, everyone will realize I’m just a talentless, narcissistic hack with no actual life skills whatsoever! AIIIIIIIIIIIE! *Jumps out a window*”

Paris Hilton

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.