As a way to raise money for her charity, Keep A Child Alive, Alicia Keys has convinced celebrities like Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, and Kim Kardashian to give up on their Twitter and Facebook accounts temporarily in order to help raise money for children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa.
Alright, so sure the idea is pretty … well, it’s a dumb idea. If anything, I would pay money to keep these people out of the public eye, but clearly I’m in the minority here. That being said, it does take money away from stupid, celebrity-obsessed teenagers and give it to kids who actually need it, which is good. And it keeps Kim Kardashian out of the limelight, which is even better. And it also gives us this ad featuring Kim in a coffin, which is like an early Christmas present from Jesus himself. Let’s kick her while she’s down, shall we?
#1: Petty grievance here, but since when was Kim Kardashian a redhead? Maybe it’s just a matter of lighting, but she looks like The Little Mermaid, if Ariel got peed on by Prince Eric. I guess she really wanted to be a part of his world, huh?
#2: Call me judgmental, but Kim is showing a lot of cleavage for a corpse. It’s good to know that even in death, Kim will show off the goods for a little attention. “Oooooh, look how many people are at my funeral! I’m so popular! … Why is it so hot in here? Don’t you people have central air?”
#3: No, seriously, who exactly was the undertaker who decided to pose her like this and why isn’t he in jail for unspeakable sex acts? If you can look at a dead person and think “Man, that is one fuckable corpse”, seek psychiatric help.
#4: I’m sorry, is your dress sequined? SEQUINED? Who wears a sequined dress to a funeral for God’s sake? Why don’t you just save everyone the trouble and install a neon sign on your coffin that says “I died of an undiagnosed STD”.
#5: Is anyone else getting a weird “red scare” vibe from the font on this thing? Man, if the greatest threat facing America today is Kim Kardashian not talking about herself on the Internet, we’re doing pretty well for ourselves.