The new cast of ‘Dancing With The Stars’

Dancing With The Stars

I can hardly feign my excitement. Anyway, a new-crop of has-beens and never-weres have been lined up to try and dance their way into Americas hearts and minds on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars, as they’re picked off one by one by an unfeeling population. Weeeeee. Us Weekly reports:

— Melrose Place actor Jack Wagner, 52, will dance with Anna Trebunskaya
— Little House on the Prairie actress Melissa Gilbert, 47, will dance with Maksim Chmerkovskiy
— Green Bay Packers wide receiver Donald Driver, 37, will dance with Peta Murgatroyd
— Actor and model William Levy, 31, will dance with two-time winner Cheryl Burke
— The View co-host Sherri Shepherd, 44, will dance with Val Chmerkovskiy
— Opera singer Katherine Jenkins, 31, will dance with Mark Ballas
— Singer Gavin DeGraw, 35, will dance with reigning winner Karina Smirnoff
— Tennis player Martina Navratilova, 55, will dance with Tony Dovolani
— Shake It Up actor Roshon Fegan, 20, will dance with Chelsie Hightower
— TV host Maria Menounous, 33, will dance with Derek Hough
— Family Matters actor Jaleel White, 35, will dance with former champ Kym Johnson
— Singer Gladys Knight, 67, will dance with Tristan MacManus

Oh boy, I wonder who will win? Will it be Urkel, or the lady who thinks the Earth is flat? Also, how in the hell does Gladys Knight end up here? Poor Gladys … she sung Midnight Train to Georgia, you heartless bitches!

Dancing With The Stars

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.