Jonathan Cheban hates Jon Hamm

Jonathan Cheban and Kim Kardashian

If you don’t know who Jonathan Cheban is, consider yourself very lucky. As far as I can tell, he’s basically Kim Kardashian‘s toadie, and by God he will ride that one tenuous connection for all it’s worth rather than, you know, actually work or create things or be beneficial to society in any way. Where was I? Ah yes, Jonathan heard that someone was being mean to his meal ticket, so Kim let him off the leash, put him in his carrying crate, and brought him over to Us Weekly so that he could breathlessly defend her while coming across as the biggest shithead ever.

“I think Jon Hamm needs to just shut up and stop being such a mad man!” the Spin Crowd star sniped at Ocean Drive magazine’s bash for cover star Nicole Richie at Vesper in Miami Beach, Florida. “He needs to mind his own business, because Kim works hard. They do different things –it’s a whole different world.” But Kardashian’s bestie Cheban argued that she is more famous than Hamm — and will be so for a long time.

“Put Jon Hamm in a mall, and more people will go up to the people working at the Burger King than they will to him,” he told Us. “Bring Kim to a mall and there will be a riot. They’re in two different businesses. Kim’s pop culture and what people like.” Cheban’s not sure about Hamm’s staying power. “It’s a lot of work, and she’s here to stay. Let’s see where he is after Mad Men.”

First off, you need to figure out the difference between being famous and being infamous. Jon Hamm is the former, Kim is the latter. Second, really? Where will Jon be after Mad Men? I’ll give you a hint: He’ll still be a respected actor. Whereas after her reality TV show, Kim will be a sagging bag of cellulite who carries her fading looks and fame around with her, desperately clinging to the dying embers of her false empire King Richard III, if he were mostly silicone. And you, my dear, won’t fare much better. I’m not sure how the market in Hollywood is for sycophantic clingers, but your future is about as hopeless and ill-defined as your chin, you doughy-looking loser.

Jonathan Cheban and Kim Kardashian

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.