Fun fact! Assuming that the end of the world really *is* tomorrow, despite the fact that it was predicted by the Christian equivalent of Rick Dees and the Weekly Top 40 (who, by the way, predicted the exact same thing back in 1994 to absolutely no results) this will be my last post before the zombie apocalypse occurs time zone by time zone, because apparently God’s rapture follows the specific time constructs of man. I know, right? So it only seems fitting that I use my last post talking about PopBytes‘ favorite singer, Katy Perry (that tiny explosion you heard off in the distance was MK having an aneurysm. Sorry!) Perry’s rider was leaked onto the Internet, and while the room, furnishings and snacks aren’t too far off from the norm, it turns out the bitch will fire you as her driver for a goddamn MULTITUDE of reasons.
As for the dressing room’s flower arrangement, Perry wants “White and purple hydrangeas, pink & white roses and peonies.” If those flowers are not available, Perry will settle for a “selection of seasonal white flowers to include white orchids.” However, promoters are advised, “ABSOLUTELY NO CARNATIONS.” That warning is, of course, underlined.
Chauffeurs, the rider notes, are not allowed to “start a conversation w/ the client.” Wheelmen are similarly barred from conversing with Perry’s guests or fans. They also are directed not to stare at the backseat through the rear view mirror. Drivers should also not “ask for autographs or pictures, and especially not while driving!” Finally, Perry’s ride should be outfitted with four water bottles (presumably in the event she forgets her Sigg). SOURCE
So basically, what I’m taking away from all of this is that Katy will cut you if you buy her carnations, you probably shouldn’t stare at someone’s tits while you’re driving, and Katy regards Sigg water bottles the way I regard a good vibrator. Is that safe to say? Super. Anyway, that’s all for today from me, so remember everyone: The first of the “raptures” will start happening at 4:00 AM EST (1:00 AM PST) so basically, if you wake up tomorrow and half the world isn’t on fire, feel free to resume your normal, daily shit.