Kim and Kris are heading towards divorce?

Kim Kardashian - Us Weekly

Get ready to start setting your Tivo to record Kim’s Fairytale Divorce, because apparently Kim Kardashian and husband Kris Humphries are on the outs because Kris can’t work because of the NBA lockout, and Kim wants him to start working even though he legally can’t do jackshit. Oh, and also because Kim is an evil, spiteful harpy and being married to her is like jamming bamboo splinters up your own urethra. Can’t forget that part! Us Weekly reports:

Just two months since their lavish, $10 million wedding, the newlyweds “are not getting along at all,” a source tells the new Us Weekly. “Kris is not drinking the Kardashian Kool-Aid, and it’s causing major problems.” At issue? While Kardashian, 31, juggles her reality shows and multiple moneymaking ventures, the basketball hunk 26, is unemployed thanks to the NBA lockout — and partying up a storm on his wife’s dime. The hard-working Kardashian is already near her breaking point, a family friend reveals, and the couple had a huge fight days before her October 21st birthday. “They had it a out!” a family friend says. “She told him he needs to do something productive … he needs to get off his ass, like, yesterday.”

Part of me feels like this could all be a big, fake story sold to the tabloids by Kim because she really is the kind of person who would sell her own husband down the river for the sake of a magazine cover (once again: see the comment about the bamboo splinter sounding above), but part of me also sees Kris at home, waiting for the lockout to end while Kim harangues him to start working. “Oh my God, Kris, you won’t even record a d-list rapper pissing on you so that you can sell it to Vivid Video and then deny it! You’re the laziest person ever!”

Kim Kardashian - Us Weekly

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.