Kim Kardashian’s legal defense: I’m hairy!

Kim Kardashian

Much like the common groundhog, Kim Kardashian‘s response to any sort of threat or danger is to dig herself further down into the mud and dirt and darkness. Also, if she sees her shadow on February 2nd, then the world gets six more weeks of cold. That bitch. Anyway, Kim is facing a new lawsuit from a cosmetic company that specializes in hair removal, claiming that because she lied to promote a rival brand, she put them at a disadvantage. Kim’s response? That she’s basically a sasquatch, and that she would never lie about a product she’s endorsing! Unless it’s a prepaid debit card. Or a diet pill. TMZ reports:

Kim just filed new docs in her ongoing legal battle with a beauty company called Radiant — which sued her last November, claiming she’s endorsing a competitor’s hair removal product … by making false claims. According to Radiant’s lawsuit, Kim falsely claimed TRIA — a home laser hair-removal system — works all over your body … and yields permanent results. (Radiant says it does neither). Radiant is pissed, claiming Kim’s misleading TRIA endorsement has put their hair-removal product — called no!no! hair — at an unfair disadvantage. But Kim insists … everything she ever said about TRIA — including how she uses it all over her body — reflected her honest opinions and experiences. As Kim said under oath, “Being Armenian and hairy, I thought [TRIA] was the perfect product.”

Yes, when faced with a lawsuit about how she lied, instead of trying to prove her words or back up her data, she’ll just reveal something embarrassing about herself in order to distract from her bullshit. It would be like if you questioned her about how her sex tape could leak, despite the fact that she couldn’t do that without providing two pieces of valid government-issued ID and signing a release form, and she immediately responded by screaming “BUT I WAS COVERED IN PEE!” It’s like when a possum plays dead by pissing and shitting on itself: it’s not particularly smart, but you’re so disgusted with how little dignity it has left that you just can’t bring yourself to kill it.

Kim Kardashian

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.