Kim Kardashian’s ‘secret adoption’

Kim Kardashian

You know what Kim Kardashian hasn’t done yet? She hasn’t pretended to adopt a baby yet. So of course it was only a matter of time before Kim whipped out her phone and started spreading a rumor that she was adopting a baby because if you honestly believe that the Kardashians don’t meticulously plan everything you read about them in magazines, money is poison and I am the only person in the world with the antidote. OK! reports:

When Kim Kardashian gave up the fairy tale of living happily ever after with Kris Humphries, she didn’t give up her dream of becoming a mother. Today Kim, 31, has begun the process of adopting a baby as a single mother. “Kim has always been very maternal,” an insider says. “Of the three sisters, she’s the one who’s been saying that she’s ready for kids the longest.” Since her split from Kris last October, Kim has been keeping a lower profile by working hard and spending more time with her sisters and mother. This time to think has cemented Kim’s certainty that she should take steps to adopt a baby by herself. “It’s all top secret, but the adoption is already underway,” a source explains. “Kim is ready. She’s made inquiries and gotten information. Now she just has to decide where she wants the baby to come from.”

Mind you, this is Kim we’re talking about, so the first thing she would do, if this weren’t some bullshit story leaked by the Kardashians for the sake of publicity, would be to check to see if they have babies that come in tacky-ass leopard print, before she gets bored with it and tried to pawn it off onto one of the other sisters. “This baby is so annoying … it keeps demanding attention when it knows perfectly well that I am the only one people are allowed to pay attention to. Whatever, I’ll just FedEx it over to Khloé. Do you think I should throw some packing peanuts in there or something? Nah, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Kim Kardashian

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.