Kristin Cavallari got engaged!

Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler

And in related news: Kristin Cavallari is still not dead from some strain of super herpes. Anyway, the evil blonde bitch whore from The Hills who wasn’t Heidi Montag apparently got herself engaged to football stud Jay Cutler over the weekend, despite the fact that they’ve only known each other for a few months and Kristin is an evil slut who sucks the souls out of men through their penises for nourishment, just ask her ex Brody Jenner.

“She is so excited and completely blind-sided,” says the insider, who adds that the Chicago Bears quarterback, 27, popped the question while the duo was on vacation in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. “They’ve been celebrating all weekend; Kristin told her girlfriends; Kristin told her girlfriends on Monday.” SOURCE

My only theory on why anyone would voluntarily propose to spend the rest of their life with this bitch: Kristin Cavallari has stolen Jay Cutler’s chin and is refusing to give it back unless he agrees to marry her. Seriously, have you see that guy? It’s like his face just continues down into his neck. “Come on, Kristin! I need that so that people know where my face ends and the rest of my body begins!”

Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.