Lindsay Lohan: Addicted to plastic surgery?

Lindsay Lohan

Now that Lindsay Lohan is officially “clean and sober” (her words, not mine) we now need to scramble to come up with some other reason as to why her face looks like a Shetland trying to eat a giant marshmallow. Anyway, the excuse they’re going for now is that Lindsay is actually just addicted to plastic surgery, because you really can’t say Lindsay’s name without the word “addicted” following shortly after it. RadarOnline reports:

“She appears to have a classic, over-plumped pillow face. Her cheeks look like she’s storing nuts for the winter. I suspect that she’s undergone multiple injections of filler like Sculptra or Restylane,” he explained.

“While these treatments can create a very youthful, natural look, when overdone they can make a person look like a Cabbage Patch Doll.”

“I suspect that hard living combined with some plastic surgery is causing her to look virtually unrecognizable,” he revealed.

“Her lips look plumped and stiff, possibly from injections of Restylane. Her forehead is also excessively smooth, consistent with injections of Botox or Dysport.”

“For her sake, I hope Lindsay lays off the filler and gets back to what she does best: acting,” said the esteemed surgeon.

Seriously kids, this is why you all need to stay as far away from drugs and alcohol and plastic surgery as you possibly can: because it will age you twenty years in the blink of an eye. Seriously, remember a couple years ago when Lindsay was still relatively fresh-faced and wholesome? And now she looks like someone up-ended a bucket of fluffernutter spread over Dina Lohan‘s head? Jesus H., people, don’t put anything in your body unless you actually know what’s in it.

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.