Lindsay’s ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card expired!

Lindsay Lohan

Apparently, that deal Lindsay Lohan signed with the devil in exchange for off-brand Oxycontin and handjobs has ended, because she’s apparently getting herself ready for jail. Thankfully, she’s already paid Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman to dig a tunnel out through a sewer drain, which means she won’t even have to deal with the eighteen minutes she’d only have to serve since she uses the California legal system the same way she uses vibrators.

Judge Keith Schwartz offered LiLo and her attorney Shawn Holley a deal that includes three months in jail … which get whittled down to 19 days because of jail overcrowding. Lindsay has been adamant for weeks … she would never take a plea deal because she feels she did nothing wrong. Sources close to Lindsay tell us she still maintains her innocence … but reality is starting to sink in and Lindsay is beginning to understand the risks of going forward with a trial. If she loses at trial, she could get more than a year in jail for the probation violation … plus prison time for the felony grand theft. SOURCE

Well, on the plus side, she’s already dated Samantha Ronson, so at least she already knows how to bang a scary, gargoyle-looking lesbian in exchange for cigarettes and gin. The secret is to wait until the sun comes up so that they turn into stone, that way you can sneak out the door and get out of town before it sets again.

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.