Lindsay Lohan is free!

Lindsay Lohan

So Lindsay Lohan was finally released from her house arrest earlier today, and I honestly hesitate to say she’s a free bitch because, let’s face it, I hardly call being sentenced to drink at home for a month a “sentence” of any sort. Anyway, she’s now free to go back to being paid for being an alcoholic who doesn’t actually do anything, which I guess is actually the all she did when she was under house arrest … so this is all a lateral move then? FUCK!

According to the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, Lohan was officially released at 10:20 AM … ending 35 arduous days of sun-tanning captivity. We’re told Lindsay is still inside her Venice, CA condo … preparing to roll over to the Downtown Women’s Center to perform her community service. SOURCE

Yay, good for you I guess. Now you’re free to walk around with your weird imploding face and complete and total lack of a career. Do you remember your career Lindsay? It’s that thing you used to have that made you money before you blew it on cocaine, booze and gargoyle vagina. But I’m sure we’ll all give you a fourteenth chance because if gossip blogging has taught me anything, it’s that nobody ever learns anything.

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.