Lindsay Lohan Is No Longer Clubbing

Because, clearly, we haven’t heard this one before, Lindsay Lohan has vowed to no longer go clubbing because she’s on the straight and narrow now. She’s so dead-set on this that she’s even vowed to cut ties with anyone who simply used her to party. That shrill, hysterical “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” you may have just heard in the background was Dina Lohan realizing she just got cut off.

Sources close to LiLo tell TMZ she is “completely over the club scene” — no more “I’ll just have water, thanks” — and realizes that cutting it out completely is the best chance for her to avoid temptation and remain sober.

We’re also told the no clubbing pledge extends to her friends as well — as in she’s going to stop hanging out with the people that only used her to party. SOURCE

Aaaaaaaand cue Dina to throw her off the wagon.

Dina: Lindsay, this is an intervention. We need to talk about your not drinking, which is affecting MY drinking.

Lindsay: Mom, I finally have my life together, I’m getting my career back on track, why can’t you be happy for-

Dina: The only reason you were conceived was because your Dad thought he was sticking it in my ass.

Lindsay: WHERE’S THE GIN?!

Dina: Praise Jesus!

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.