Lindsay Lohan’s probation got revoked!

Lindsay Lohan

Well, holy shit, this might be getting us somewhere: Judge Saunter heard Lindsay Lohan‘s case as to why she hasn’t completed any of her community service, why she got fired, and how she could look people in the eye and say that the real volunteers were meanies and that working with abused woman wasn’t “fulfilling” enough for her, and has decided to revoke Lindsay’s probation, pending a hearing November 2nd. So we can all look forward to Lindsay cramming all her work and good deeds in on November 1st, because if Lindsay has to do something beneficial to society, she’ll be damned if she can’t wait until the last possible second to do it. Via TMZ:

Judge Stephanie Sautner came of the box swinging, making it clear … her sentence was SPECIFICALLY to do community service at the Downtown Women’s Center. And the judge made it clear … Lindsay blew off 9 appointments and when she showed up once she only stayed an hour — not 4.

The judge said Lindsay caused herself to get kicked out of the Center, and it constitutes a violation of her probation. Then the judge noted something very confusing — that the Probation Dept. nevertheless gave her a glowing report.

The judge tore the Probation Dept. a new a-hole, and refused to give her any credit for serving time at the Red Cross.

The judge said she wants Lindsay to work at the morgue, and told the Probation Dept. as much.

The judge also scoffed at Lindsay for finishing her Shoplifter’s Alternative course last night, even though she had months to complete it. The judge said sarcastically, “Are you noticing a trend?”

Then Judge Sautner raised the issue — Did Lindsay really see a shrink every week, when she was in Europe. Judge Sautner seems to doubt the psychologist is telling the truth — that Lindsay showed up every week in person.

Miss Lohan’s actions deliberately made it impossible for Lindsay Lohan to complete her probation.

Shawn Holley’s retort … lots of people on probation screw up from time to time, and they don’t get their probation violated. And Holley says, Lindsay did most of what she’s required to do.

Holley backed off what the Probation Dept. told the judge … telling the Judge if she didn’t attend a session with her shrink, it was because the Probation Dept. gave her permission to miss the session.

The judge also noted Lindsay took 6 months to do a 12 hour shoplifting course — and she didn’t complete it until last night.

And there was the ultimate dis– when talking about Lindsay’s work schedule, the judge said, “She is supposed to be an actress, from what I hear.”

Lindsay told Probation as to why it didn’t work out for her at the Women’s Center, “The service was not fulfilling.” Just like we said.

The judge revoked Lindsay’s probation and set a hearing on November 2 which could determine if Lindsay goes to jail.

I’m not gonna lie: Judge Saunter’s line about how Lindsay is “supposedly” an actress literally caused me to laugh out loud, shout “JUDGE BURN!!!” and high-five my computer screen. Anyway, I’m glad to see that the judge is cutting right through Lindsay’s bullshit and is now giving Lindsay an ultimatum to either clean the fuck up or actually go to jail. But of course, she won’t because let’s face it, this is Lindsay Lohan who is un-fucking-teachable. You could provide her a graph, multiple examples, and a thorough explanation as to how and why 2+2=4, and she’ll still believe that two plus two equals an eight-ball.

Lindsay Lohan


About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.