Lindsay Lohan still thinks she’ll win an Oscar!

Lindsay Lohan

As we move along to the next step in the “Lindsay Lohan Fuck-Up Cycle”, it’s time again for LiLo to proclaim that, thanks to her new found sobriety, she’s now a shoo-in to win an Oscar. You know, because the Oscars are given out based on whether or not you can keep your nose out of the booger sugar. “*Snort* Well fuck, there goes my nomination …” TMZ reports:

Lohan explained, “I regret the choices that I’ve made … but I’m grateful for where I am today because of them, because … I don’t need to see any more negative stuff, I don’t need to put myself in those places anymore.” Lindsay also talked about her time at the morgue — telling Matt it’s been a positive learning experience that’s helping her in the long run. When asked where she’ll be in 5 years, Lohan said, “Hopefully I’ll have just come from the Oscars this past weekend” … adding, “I want to get back to acting.”

Okay, just to clarify what I mean by the Lindsay Lohan Fuck-Up Cycle, allow me to extrapolate …

  1. Lindsay Lohan fucks up.
  2. Lindsay Lohan makes excuses and blames everyone else for her fuck up.
  3. The California legal system gives her a free pass.
  4. Lindsay proclaims her life to be back on track.
  5. Lindsay celebrates by going on a morning talk show.
  6. Lindsay says that she has stopped partying (she hasn’t).
  7. Lindsay says that she’ll win an Oscar in five years (she won’t).
  8. Lindsay starts feeling comfortable, until…
  9. Return to step 1: Lindsay Lohan fucks up.

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.