Lindsay Lohan tried to break out of rehab!

But wait, it gets better! Lindsay Lohan was caught trying to sneak out of Betty Ford the other day in order to buy some Coke! You know, the delicious cola beverage? Okay, yes, that was deliberately misleading, but come on; who tries to break out of rehab for a fucking soda?

In a tale so bizarre it is almost unbelievable, has confirmed the Hollywood wild child attempted to flee the Betty Ford grounds to sneak into the nearby Eisenhower Medical Center, in a bid to buy a soda from a vending machine. Lohan’s rouse was almost pulled off if it wasn’t for her accomplice, another patient, whose clothing got caught on the fence. SOURCE

Why do I know Dina Lohan is behind this? Seriously, she probably brought in a Fudgie The Whale cake with a nail file in it and everything.

Dina: Listen sweetie, I need to get you out of here so I can keep living vicariously through you, and so I can afford the booze that helps me forget I feel nothing in my heart.

Lindsay: Can I run over a baby on the way home?

Dina: You can run over as many babies as you want; we’ll blame the media!

Lindsay: I love you Mom!

Dina: I love me too, sweetie!

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.