Paris Hilton promises to ruin Japan!

Alright, so the other day Paris Hilton tried to take a trip to Japan, because haha! That’s the sort of thing you can do when you’re obscenely wealthy and have absolutely no responsibilities whatsoever. Anyway, as it turns out Japan didn’t want her so they told her to fuck off back to America. Once again, IT IS JUST THAT EASY PEOPLE. Why can’t we just ban people like her from, like, Earth in general?

“Paris is very disappointed and fought hard to keep her business commitments and see her fans, but she is forced to postpone her commitments in Asia,” she said in a statement. “Paris understands and respects the rules and laws of the immigration authorities in Japan and fully wishes to cooperate with them.” Just before taking off, Hilton tweeted a message to her fans. “Going home now. So disappointed to miss my fans in Asia. I promise to come back soon. I love you all! Love Paris xoxo.” SOURCE

Was that last tweet a threat? Anyway, it’s times like this Paris probably wishes she had a second vagina so that she could smuggle herself in. Although that really wouldn’t work, because the first thing you would think of when you see a giant, disembodied, diseased vagina walking towards you is “Oh look, I think Paris did something new with her hair. Good for her.”

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.