Speidi is together, not dead; Rest of the world weeps

Because you can’t actually get a divorce if you’re marriage was actually just an elaborate sham for a crappy TV show you put together to extend your fifteen minutes of fame, Heidi Montag and Flesh-Coloured Pedo-Beard have gotten back together! But not really. It’s so nice to know that two people can work through their scripted differences to reunite the passion they obviously do not have for each other.

LOS ANGELES — [Name Redacted] says his 12-hour detainment at a Costa Rica airport for arms possession has given him a chance at reconciliation with wife Heidi Montag.

Montag stood by him during what he called the “wildest day ever of either of our lives” and sparked hope that she might drop her divorce filing, [Name Redacted] said Monday. SOURCE

This is all just a nice of way saying that they realized that no one cares about either of them separately. But together, the sheer moral vacuum they create can make their fifteen minutes last forever! It’s like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, only instead of chocolate and peanut butter, it’s a date rapist and a My Little Horseface.

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.