Too soon, Lindsay. Too soon.

Lindsay Lohan

Somewhere between Amy Winehouse dying from what can only be assumed was her battle with her addictions, and a judge telling her straighten the fuck out else she be thrown in jail (BAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, just kidding), Lindsay Lohan probably would have figured out that it’s high time she maybe lay off the drinking and clubbing. Except she did the exact opposite of this by going out and getting shit-faced hammered, which I’m assuming she’ll blame on her footwear. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk in those five dollar Old Navy flip-flops? Flats are THE WORST.”

“By 2 am, she could barely stand. She was trying to stabilize herself on the chairs. Then she made it over to the curtains and hung on them. The manager saw this and went over and helped her stand up,” the eyewitness says. “She was really nice to the manager. She kept saying, ‘Thank you. All my friend left me.’ Then she picked up her phone and started screaming ‘Everybody left me! Why did everyone leave me? Where are you?’

“The manager went back over to her and told her not to worry.  ‘I’ll help you. Don’t worry’,” I heard the manager say. “She eventually got outside, and when she got to her Escalade she just collapsed into it.” SOURCE

Nope, no red flags there. Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo … oh who the fuck am I kidding. When the manager of the bar actually has to go over to you and make sure that you aren’t going to tear down the curtains because you need something to hold onto while you yell into your phone about how you have no friends, that is when you need to seriously consider going to rehab. On the plus side, I’ve been hearing a lot of people commenting on Lindsay will be joining the 27 Club soon, but the good news is that the club is only for people with talent. Bitch’ll live forever.

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.