What the eff, Bristol Palin. What. The. Eff.

I know I rag on Bristol Palin a lot for being an outright hypocrite when it comes to sex and ‘modesty’, but I’ll give her this one: It really doesn’t get any more modest than dancing in a goddamn gorilla costume. And that’s exactly what she did: She went on Dancing With The Stars dressed as Donkey Kong. What. The. FUCK.

Bristol Palin and partner Mark Ballas received the lowest score of the night on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ Monday with a jive set to ‘The Monkees’ theme song. They began the number dressed in gorilla suits, which seemed to distract from the footwork. “You forgot a lot of the moves!” judge Carrie Ann Inaba told Bristol. SOURCE

Ooooooo, I see what you did there Bristol. Oh sure, you can say that the monkey-suit was just a play on The Monkees, but I’m willing to bet my goofy-ass Canadian dollars that the gorilla costume was actually just a transparent ruse thought up by your mom, Sarah Palin, as a metaphor for how evolution and condoms make baby angels cry in REAL AMERICA. Oh, wait, I just remembered: You two don’t know what metaphors are. Alright, never mind, you’re just a dumbass. Carry on.

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.