You know what DWTS needs? More abs and wonky tits!

Because $5 million dollars just isn’t enough, and because she doesn’t really have anything else going for her, The Situation and Audrina Patridge are both scheduled to appear on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Washed-up Has-Beens No One Cares About Stars. Shoot for the stars, you guys! Shoot for the stars!

For weeks it’s been rumored, but on Monday, a source told OK! magazine that Jersey Shore‘s Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino will bring his tanned mid-section and ribbed abs to the ballroom in search of the mirrorball trophy.

In related news, former The Hills beauty Audrina Patridge is also reportedly on her way to rumba on DWTS, according to Zap2it‘s sources. Other stars rumored to be filling out the cast include The Boy Is Mine singer Brandy Norwood and former Arizona Cardinals quarterback, family man Kurt Warner. SOURCE

… These? These are stars? Really? I guess ‘The Situation’ is a star in the sense that he is literally a giant hot ball of gas, but that’s really about it. I’m assuming the fifty billion other D-list nobodies vying to get on the show were too busy trying to convince Comedy Central that they were worthy of a roast. How else would Lisa Lampanelli make jokes about banging black dudes all day?

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.