Ashton tries to win Demi back … with a car?

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

I may not know much about wooing the fairer sex (I’ll stick with the less fair sex, thank you very much), but if I had to guess, I’d say that if your wife is willing to file for divorce because you can’t stop banging random whores on the day of your anniversary, it’ll probably take more than a car to win her back. But of course, this is Ashton Kutcher we’re talking about, who is a colossal moron, so it really shouldn’t surprise any of you that he tried to win Demi Moore back with a new car, to no avail. TMZ reports:

According to our sources, Ashton contacted a high-end car company, to buy a new set of wheels for Demi’s birthday. We’re told Ashton picked out a 2012 Lexus LS 600h L — and paid North of $100,000. Our sources say Ashton wanted a quick deal — bagging the luxury hybrid on November 9, just two days before Demi’s birthday. If it was meant to win back Demi … clearly it didn’t work. We don’t know if Demi accepted the vehicle or if Ashton was able to give it back to the car company.

A Lexus hybrid. Really. Even his bald-faced use of capitalism as a replacement for romantic affection is needlessly pretentious. Actually, when you consider that at this point everything Ashton does is to promote start-up companies that he’s invested in (even when doing so would be completely illegal and immoral) what’s to say that Ashton didn’t do this solely for the purpose of scoring some more sell-out money? “Demi, I love you, and I want to make this work. Work as well as this BRAND NEW CAR! Twenty-two miles to the gallon, seating for five, all-wheel drive, it can be yours if you just answer this – Where’d she go?”

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.