Charlie wants a raise for coke and hookers!

Charlie Sheen

Proving once and for all that snorting coke turns you into a raging douche-munch, Charlie Sheen gave interviews to Good Morning America and the Today show in which he said that the emotional turmoil of getting put on temporary leave from his show for eating cocaine with his fire fists and banging hookers with his lightning penis was so great, he now needs $3 million per episode. Fuck you.

NBC interviewer Jeff Rossen appeared startled when Sheen said he wanted to be paid $3 million an episode to return to the show. He’s reportedly paid $1.8 million an episode now, one of the highest-paid actors on television. “You want a raise?” Rossen asked. Replied Sheen: “Yeah, look what they put me through.” SOURCE

Yes, look at how they made you beat women, threaten people with violence and put enough coke in your body to turn you into a paranoid, delusional psychopath. Kids, let me just point this out to you one more time: Sure, abusing drugs can make you lose your job, ruin your relationships with your family and even kill you, but most importantly, abusing drugs just makes you a huge dick that everyone hates.

Charlie Sheen

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.