Never Mind, Chris Brown isn’t going to jail!

Chris Brown

Guess what, everyone? It turns out ABC won’t be pressing charges against Chris Brown after he stormed out of an interview, broke a window and generally acted like the pompous ass that we all should have known he was but somehow are surprised he is. Fucking seriously people: If the idea that Chris would act like a petulant fucking man-child is really that surprising to you, then welcome back to Earth. How was the weather in whichever alternate reality you’ve been living in for the past couple years?

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the NYPD will not investigate the matter because there is no complaining victim. That’s especially good news for CB — because he’s currently on probation for beating up Rihanna … and could have faced prison time if the judge violated his probation on grounds he committed vandalism. We’re told the judge will not violate Chris’ probation unless New York prosecutes him … and that’s not going to happen. SOURCE

There, now maybe all of Chris’ dumbass fans will stop bitching about how the mainstream media is always picking on him … wait a minute here. Rabid, delusional fanbase? Over-reliance on Twitter? Constant dismissal of valid criticism as attacks on his character by the mainstream media? OH. MY. GOD. Chris is the Sarah Palin of R&B!

Chris Brown

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.