Courtney Stodden is shilling for PETA now?

Courtney Stodden

Because PETA is stupid (there’s no other reason for the words I’m about to type), someone from the group apparently looked at Courtney Stodden and thought “Yes, let’s make that teenage famewhore the moral voice of animal rights.” Which, if I have to guess, is the reason why people club baby seals. Anyway, cut to Courtney doing a photo shoot for the organization, because sixteen-year-old girls who marry washed-up 51-year-old actors for reality TV shows are this generation’s Gloria Steinem. RadarOnline enables:

Courtney, who has two dogs with her actor husband, 51-year-old Doug Hutchison, had a little trouble controlling the pups, with one of them running away as she walked them. The scantily-clad teen bride, in a tight white dress and sky-high heels, was again flanked by her youngish-looking bodyguard. “It’s our responsibility to protect our animals … let’s be their voice!,” the 17-year-old tweeted to more than 85,000 followers Wednesday.

For the record: That dog was running for freedom from it’s whorebeast master. It should be noted however, that this is the voice Courtney thinks should represent animals:

“Seduction swims sensuously throughout my soul and softly whispers sweet sentiments as a stream of silk spills over it’s every secret ;) XOs,” Courtney wrote on Twitter recently.

What the hell does that even mean, you moron? Seriously PETA, decisions like these are the reason why people think it’s okay to stick a duck and a chicken inside of a turkey. “Well kids, this meat orgy is an abomination unto whatever invisible bearded giant in the sky we believe in, but PETA thinks stupid baby prostitutes are morally superior to us, so screw every animal that has or will ever exist. Also, I set the family cat on fire. This on you, PETA.”

Courtney Stodden

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.