Courtney Stodden went ‘sexy’ rollerskating

Courtney Stodden

That’s weird, I didn’t know syphilis could roll. Anyway, because it’s been, like, days since she payed the paparazzi to follow her around and take pictures of her while she staged (her words here, not mine) “sexy” photo-ops, Courtney Stodden decided to call up some photographers to watch her try and rollerskate through sand. Yeah, I know that’s stupid, but it makes more sense when you realize her IQ is the same as her age. Which is 17. Courtney is 17, and this is what she does for a living. How is this legal? The Daily Mail enables:

The 17-year-old stripped down to a red, white and blue bikini and set off on a pair of skates last week in Los Angeles. Her 51-year-old husband, X Files actor Doug Hutchison, tagged along for the ride as the two enjoyed a day at the beach. Never one to miss an opportunity to perform for the cameras, Courtney got in several provocative poses. But while the buxom blonde showed off her svelte figure, Doug was nearly covered from head to toe. SEE THE PICTURES

Yes, a red, white and blue bikini, because only in America can a teenager, with no life skills and a failed-actress mother, marry a washed-up H-list character actor and then claw her way into the D-list by riding fifty-year-old dick and staging photo-ops that would make even Heidi Montag stop and say “Bitch, you’re acting like a desperate skank and it’s not cute” before picking up whatever part of her body just fell off.

Courtney Stodden

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.