Kim Kardashian might sue her flour bomber!

Kim Kardashian

Last week, someone dumped a bag of flour on Kim Kardashian because who are we kidding, Kim probably wanted some attention and figured flour was the safest thing someone could pour all over her in public. Yes, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that my schadenfreude was probably just a publicity stunt. I’m not happy about it. Well, it wouldn’t be Kim if she wasn’t milking this for everything she could, so of course she’s suing the “bomber” and complaining that all the attention on her took away from her charity. Which is why you should pay more attention to her by listening to her whining. E! Online reports:

“I was laughing it off earlier and, you know, I think that is the only thing I knew how to do at the time,” Kim admitted. “But I just think it is such a shame that someone like that … would ruin an event, or attempt to ruin an event, that was based around, not only my fragrance, but this organization, Dress For Success. I mean that’s what the event was about. These women flew in from all over the country to be a part of this event, that are underprivileged women, that really got the shine taken away from them a little bit. That’s why I am calling in now. I feel bad that it was kind of derailed from that.”

“Now that I think about it and had some time to digest it,” she added, “I think, ‘What if that was some other substance? What if that person had a dangerous weapon?’ It’s scary. And what’s even scarier is this woman acted as if she was a part of the press. She just came out of nowhere! And so we are definitely changing things up a little bit, amping up security, taking some measures, and … I’m gonna definitely deal with it because it is not acceptable.”

You know, it’s been a while since I pulled this thing out, but it is a Monday so what the hell. Let’s run this thing through the patented PopBytes Bullshit-to-Actual-Human-Speech Translator and see what comes out. Let’s see, hold on while I calibrate it to ‘Lying Famewhore’ …

I laughed it off earlier, because I tricked a bunch of people into paying attention to me with a transparent publicity stunt. I think it’s a shame that someone would throw an event for someone other than me. I have a new fragrance out, so pay attention to me. I think there was a charity I was supposed to promote, but who cares? If they want money so bad, they can just let Ray J pee on them in a sex tape and get their own reality TV show. Now that I think about it, what if it was some other substance? What if she poured pee on me? That would have gotten WAY more attention. I’m definitely going to be amping up my PR department, because it is not acceptable that I only got this much attention when I could have gotten more.

Kim Kardashian

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.