Courtney Stodden celebrates 17 with 51!

Courtney Stodden

Guess who turned seventeen yesterday? Yes, it’s America’s favorite burn-victim-turned-child-prostitute, Courtney Stodden! According to RadarOnline, everyone’s favorite 51-year-old-banging, lizard faced whore celebrated her big one-seven, which makes her still a child, by going out shopping with her husband Doug Hutchison, who is in his fifties and is sticking his dick in an underage teenager, for lingerie. This has to be a felony. It just HAS to be.

“I’m so happy! This is the best birthday ever,”Courtney gushed about her big day. “17 is going to be even better than 16 because I’m going to spend the whole year with my wonderful husband!”

“There’s never a dull day with Courtney around,” Doug told He surprised his 17-year-old wife with her first birthday gifts from Victoria’s Secret, her favorite store.

Really? No one at that store saw a fifty-one year old man buying sexy underwear for a seventeen-year-old girl and thought, “Holy shit, if I actually sell this shit to them, does that make me an accessory to pedophilia?” Shit on a biscuit, man … just, how? How do we, as a society, allow this to happen? I mean yes, she looks like a forty-year-old run-down prostitute who just got a face transplant and is trying to figure out how to make it look sexy, but still, SHE’S STILL A TEENAGER. Jesus tap-dancing Christ …

Courtney Stodden

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.