Don’t toss your business card at Kanye West!

Kanye West

Oh lord, it’s been a long while since we had a good “Kanye West being batshit insane” story up here, but lo and behold, Santa must have come early because here’s a delightfully weird bit about how someone tried to throw some business cards on stage, which Kanye apparently mistook as some sort of assassination attempt. Did you know 1,000,000 people are killed every second by business cards? Oh, this is so good, it just has to be fattening. The Sun reports:

The notorious diva lost his rag after the tiny card was thrown on the stage in Washington. And he threatened to have a whole section ejected after claiming the act was life-threatening. He picked up the card and yelled: “Who’s card is this?” And he added: “We risking our lives up here. You can’t go throwing s*** that we gonna slip on.” He told the crowd: “I see it come from that direction. Unless one person raises their hand and says ‘I’m the one who did it’, all that whole section gotta go.”

All right, I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and say that yes, Kanye does risk his life every time he gets up onstage. Sort of the way you risk your life every time you step on an escalator. My point being that while there is indeed a certain amount of risk in the activity, it’s so low that complaining about it just makes you sound like a paranoid nutjob. “Yo man, these escalators be trying to devour my feet! Why can’t they let me be great? When I die, I want Obama to speak at my funeral about my greatness!” See what I mean? I just transplanted his words onto a threat of equal value, now you realize how batshit bonkers it all really is.

Kanye West

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.