Hulk Hogan has a sex tape now

Hulk Hogan

What’s that? You were planning on sleeping tonight? Well screw your REM, bitch, because your nightmares are about to be invaded by the Lovecraftian horror of Hulk Hogan‘s jiggling, leathery butt cheeks. Turns out, the Orc King has a sex tape floating around, and now it’s being shopped around to various porn studios. My gift to you is pain. TMZ reports:

We’ve seen a portion of the grainy footage — featuring Hulk getting undressed and a naked, unidentified brunette lying on a bed. The woman is NOT his ex-wife Linda or his current wife Jennifer McDaniel. In the clip, Hulk pulls his shirt off and brags to his companion, “I started to work out again.” Hulk then runs his hands through his blonde hair like he always does. The best part … Hulk’s thong-shaped tan line.

Feel free to re-read that last line, knowing that you will never be able to get that mental image out of your head. Enjoy the many sleepless nights that will no doubt result from the wobbling terror of Hulk’s flabby, drooping skirt steak buttocks which will no doubt chase you through your subconscious through the doors of madness.

Hulk Hogan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.