J.R. Martinez wins ‘Dancing With The Stars’!

J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff

When given the choice between a war veteran whose face was badly scarred defending his country and a famewhore sibling with a fat ass, America finally made the right choice and voted J.R. Martinez as the winner of Dancing with the Stars over Rob Kardashian, but not before everyone just kinda sorta forgot that Ricki Lake existed. Sorry Ricki! Us Weekly reports:

The 28-year-old veteran and actor beat out Rob Kardashian and Ricki Lake for the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy on Tuesday’s finale. “First and foremost, I want to think everybody who voted for us for 10 weeks,” Martinez gushed. “Thank you, America, for believing in us!” For Martinez’s pro partner, Karina Smirnoff, the Mirror Ball Trophy was the first she’d won in her 10 seasons with the show. Season 13’s runner-up? Rob Kardashian! “I’m super thankful,” the 24-year-old reality star gushed. “I definitely am not sad. I won in my book.”

No, really, how did Rob even make it to second place? I mean yeah, he improved as he got to the end, but that still doesn’t hide the fact that when he first came on the show he had the grace and mobility of a rhino. But I guess that’s just what happens when your sister cheats for you and tricks a bunch of gullible losers on Twitter to vote for you. Haha! Exploiting the dumb of others to help your brother unfairly win a lame reality television competition.

J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.