Justin Bieber gets a haircut, loses demonic power!

If you’ve never read the Bible (and chances are you haven’t; There are some good parts about loving people and turning the other cheek, but like 90% of it is FUCKING INSANE), there’s a story in it about a king named Samson was tricked by his wife Delilah into cutting his hair, which made him lose all his power apparently. Anyway, Justin Bieber got his hair cut, which I’m guessing will severely cripple his hold over delusional, batshit insane little girls.

Bieber unveiled his new haircut on TMZ Live on Monday afternoon, providing during and after images that may make teenager girls cry. And teenage guys go out and have to get new haircuts. His explanation? “I just wanted a kind of a change, I didn’t want to cut it all off, but I had had it for 3 1/2 years, I had just gotten sick of it, it was in my eyes, I didn’t want it in my face, I just wanted to change it up.” SOURCE

While I’m sure the massive crowd of nutjob teens on Twitter will probably go something like “OHMYGOD WHATEVUR I STILL LOVE HIM LOLZ OMG i will kill selena gomez with a shovel”, let’s face it: All his demonic powers were in his hair. Cutting it off has robbed him of power, just like how breaking up the Jonas Brothers made them fade into obscurity. Sweet, sweet obscurity.

Justin Bieber


About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.