Justin Bieber took that DNA test!

Justin Bieber

Despite the fact that it’s been made screamingly obvious that Justin Bieber never impregnated famewhore Mariah Yeater as she said he did, Justin has decided to take the DNA test anyway, presumably so that he can then sue her ass straight into a trailer park. Oh, wait, she already lives in a trailer park. Well, at least until the resident meth lab explodes and destro – ah yes, there it goes. It’s like they never even watched Breaking BadTMZ reports:

Justin Bieber took a DNA test on Friday night in New Jersey, and now it’s baby mama’s move … TMZ has learned. We’ve learned … Justin took the test at a lab under “very controlled circumstances.” We’re told there is a solid chain of custody, so it’s going to be hard for Mariah Yeater or her lawyer to challenge it. As we first reported, Justin’s team will NOT settle or even discuss settlement with Yeater or her lawyer. It’s now up to her to provide DNA results from Mariah’s baby.

Which means that within the next week, we can all look forward to everyone realizing that maybe they shouldn’t listen to twenty-year-old white trash who try to turn fan fiction into money! Save that shit for Stephanie Meyer. If sexually repressed mormons can’t sell books to horny teenage girls about the joys of sparkly vampire sex that will cause you to nearly bleed to death giving birth to a baby that a teenage werewolf falls in love with (WHY DID THOSE WORDS HAVE TO HAPPEN?!), then this isn’t America.

Justin Bieber


About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.