Kim forced Kris onto her crappy reality show!

Kourtney and Kim Kardashian

Because in Kim Kardashian‘s mind, a crappy sham of a reality television show is more important than a real, loving marriage, it turns out Kim might have forced her soon to be ex-hubby Kris Humphries into being on her show, even though he never wanted to be part of the fakery. But in all fairness, marriages come and go. TV shows? Those are special. One of those will last you a lifetime! Or, you know, until the public finds someone who’s an even bigger whore than you, at which point it’s back to giving handjobs in Obscurityville, population you. RadarOnline reports:

“Kris is a relatively private person, and he just didn’t want to be on camera and part of a reality show,” a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline. “In the beginning of the relationship, Kim implored Kris to just appear on camera briefly. Kim played the Reggie Bush card. Reggie loathed the cameras and the reality show, and it was a big source of strain for them while they were dating. Reggie only appeared on Keeping Up With The Kardashians a handful of times. Kim was always pestering Reggie to be on the show, but he always held his ground. Kim guilted Kris into initially appearing on the show.”

Although I’m sure she repaid him by portraying him well and – oh, wait, Kim basically does everything in her power to make him look like an asshole in order to try and make everyone forget what an unremarkable and empty human being she is.

As RadarOnline previously reported, Kim, who has the final say over the show’s editing, will do her best to present herself “as the victim” and Humphries as “the bad guy” on the program. Among the eye-popping moments on Sunday’s season premiere were Kris mocking Kim’s weight by saying she ate too much cake at their wedding; Kris nonchalantly letting a loud fart fly in Kourtney’s face; Kim hitting Kris after she feels he ruined her pedicure; and Kris manhandling Kim as they horsed around over a camera.

Really? That’s your trump card over the guy? He farted in someone’s face as a joke and then had a little fun at your expense over cake? Jesus, that’s just weak sauce is what that is. You want to hear a mean joke about Kim’s weight? Fine (WARNING: This next segment contains vague truths exaggerated to the point of ridiculousness. If you don’t know how jokes work, please leave the internet.) Kim Kardashian’s so fat, she lets washed-up rappers piss in her mouth just for the taste. Kim Kardashian’s so fat, all it takes to keep up with the Kardashians is to fill a doughnut shop with the paparazzi. Kim Kardashian’s so fat, Kris Jenner feeds her by dunking $20 bills in lard, sticks them onto a dildo, and then jabs it in her face until she swallows it whole. THAT is how you tell a real mean fat joke.

Kourtney and Kim Kardashian

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.