Before you read this next story, you may want to make sure that you’re sitting down, there are no solid ledges overhead, and that you are not currently drinking a cup of water that you can spit out in surprise. We all clear? Good. Vanessa Bryant, aka Kobe Bryant‘s now ex-wife, just scored huge on her divorce from him, landing three mansions and $75 Million bucks. On a completely unrelated note, if any NBA players have a spare mansion lying around … you know, call me. TMZ reports:
Sources connected to the couple and with direct knowledge of the situation tell TMZ … the property settlement agreement is signed, sealed and delivered — a done deal. Vanessa is walking away with $75 million, which we’re told represents close to half of their total assets, estimated at around $150 million. TMZ previously reported several transfers of property earlier this year between Kobe and Vanessa. It turns out, based on the property settlement, Vanessa scored a clean sweep, snagging ALL THREE of the former couple’s mansions in the Newport Beach area. Vanessa gets the estate the couple was living in, the estate her mom is living in, and she gets the new estate that had been under construction for 2 years and was just completed. We were told Kobe was moving into the new estate, but that’s not true. It’s Vanessa’s crib, lock stock and barrel.
No, seriously, what the sweet holy hell? You’re telling me that all you need to do to land enough property and money to last you until the day you die is to bang an athlete? I’m in the wrong line of work. If any of you need me, I’m going to be hanging around NBA locker rooms and waiting for a hot, rich man to divorce me.