Kobe Bryant is getting a divorce!

Kobe Bryant and Vanessa Laine

Are you a woman who has no greater aspirations in life than to marry a rich sports star and never work a day in your life ever again? Than have I got news for you! It looks like Kobe Bryant is back on the market after his wife Vanessa Laine found out he was cheating on her. Oh, and it turns out Kobe sucks at signing prenups. That clanking you may have heard in the background was every gold digger in America pulling their old-timey pickaxes out of storage. “Gold! GOLD! I’mma dig me some gold, dagum!” TMZ reports:

Our sources says Kobe’s teammates were blabbing to their women about the superstar’s exploits … and those women in turn gave Vanessa the heads up.  We’re told talk of Kobe’s exploits lately increased in frequency. According to our sources, the players often swear their wives to secrecy before dishing on their fellow ballers … but that secrecy is rarely kept. We’re told the women all share information about other guys around the league … in part to ensure word will get back to them if their man ever steps out.

I think if there’s any lesson at all to take from all of this, it’s that basketball players are terrible at keeping secrets. I mean, it’s not like just one player blabbed to their wife; all of them did. Although really, it probably shouldn’t be that surprising that a man with hundreds of millions of dollars would probably use it to score as much side-piece as he possibly can. There’s a reason men keep their wallets in the pocket right next to their penis, you know.

Kobe Bryant and Vanessa Laine

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.