LeAnn Rimes celebrated her birthday in bikinis!

LeAnn Rimes

I swear to God, LeAnn Rimes parents must be Bloody Mary and Beetlejuice, because every time anybody so much as mentions her name, she shows up in a bikini. Well, it happened again, because Skeletor took the opportunity to come out wearing a red bikini for her 29th birthday. Oh, wait, did I say her 29th? I mean her 89th birthday. Thanks to Us Weekly for making me barf in my soul.

LeAnn Rimes turned 29 on Sunday, and the singer-actress hit the beach in Malibu, Calif. the day before with hubby Eddie Cibrian and stepson, Mason. Wearing her typically tiny two-piece swimsuit, Rimes playfully posed for the camera as she showed off her toned physique. But Rimes didn’t just don one bikini Saturday. She showed off her taut figure in three different skimpy suits throughout the day!

No, seriously, have you seen that fucking girl in a bikini? It’s revolting. If you put her on the other side of a pitch-black room, I’d still be able to see every bone in her body, as well as the serial code on the bolt-ons she’s sporting. Seriously, there’s a difference between being naturally slender and “Holy shit, I could literally grate a block of cheese on your sternum, then play La Cucaracha on your rib cage, you crazy bitch.”

LeAnn Rimes

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.