Lindsay’s got herself an airtight alibi!

Lindsay Lohan

Exciting news, everyone! Lindsay Lohan‘s going to be charged with felony grand theft today at 1:30 PT (4:30 EST) for which she’ll probably serve all of… I dunno, is it possible to serve less than zero minutes? Like, negative time? Whatever. Anyway, Lindsay’s going into this pleading not guilty, and in true Lohan fashion she’s rocking an airtight alibi: I didn’t do it because I didn’t do it.

Lindsay Lohan is telling friends … she’s pleading not guilty tomorrow with vigor, because she says, “I honestly feel I did nothing wrong.” Lohan is saying privately, “I’m pleading not guilty because I’m NOT!” TMZ broke the story … Lindsay will be charged Wednesday with felony grand theft for allegedly stealing a $2,500 necklace. SOURCE

This is what is known as The Bart Simpson Defense: “I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything”. Except for the fact that they have her on tape walking out of the store with the necklace without paying and nobody would trust a cokehead with jewelry. But don’t get any fancy ideas: Lindsay could shoot the bailiff in the face and the judge would still only rub her nose in it. “NO! NO! Bad Lindsay! NO! All right, you know what you did wrong, wanna go for a walky?!”

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.