Lindsay Lohan, you’ve done it again!

Lindsay Lohan

Remember how I said that Lindsay Lohan didn’t have to take any drug or alcohol tests while she was under house arrest because the L.A. justice system doesn’t apply to famous blonde fuck-ups? Well it turns out, the D.A. managed to push hard enough and forced Lindsay to take the tests and SURPRISE! It turns out, putting a famous alcoholic under house arrest with no real way of monitoring her actions as a half-baked-half-of-half-an-assed punishment for being a colossal fuck-up will only lead to getting drunk. Who could have possibly seen that one coming, aside from absolutely everybody.

Here’s what we know.  Lindsay was tested twice last week.  Sources tell TMZ … Lindsay tested positive for alcohol on one of the tests and negative on the other.  In both tests, she tested negative for drugs.  One of the tests was administered just after Lindsay had a rooftop barbecue party. Sources tell TMZ … the L.A. County Probation Department will ask Judge Stephanie Sautner to yank her out of house arrest and throw her in L.A. County Jail. And, we’re told, members of the D.A.’s office — will make an appearance as well, to lower the boom on Lindsay.  The D.A. is still handling the DUI probation part of Lindsay’s criminal saga.  The L.A. City Attorney is handling the necklace case. The Probation Department is pissed off because they tried to force Lindsay to take two tests in May but Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Holley, refused to make Lindsay submit, claiming it wasn’t part of her probation.  Turns out it was, so Lindsay subsequently took the two tests, one of which she failed. SOURCE

Anyway, dumb-dumb is going to be in court AGAIN at 10am PST, which means Lindsay Lohan has now officially been in more courtrooms than she has movies. I swear to God, you can look her up on IMDB and I’m telling you, if the woman is in court one more time, she gets a free six-inch Subway sandwich. Lindsay could really use a sassy gay friend in her life already to keep her from being such a complete and total failure at everything. “WHAT. WHAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Drinking again? While you’re under house arrest? The only thing you should be drinking is this expensive bullshit flavour gel you squirt in water. She’s a stupid bitch.”

Lindsay Lohan


About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.