Lindsay’s felony grand theft: WTF just happened?!

Lindsay Lohan

Alright everyone, it’s the news I’m sure you’re all absolutely fucking sick of you’ve all been dying to hear, Lindsay Lohan went in for her Felony Grand Theft hearing today wearing a delightful ensemble from Hoes ‘N Thangs (did you expect anything less from the girl who wore “Fuck U” nails to her last major hearing?), and guess what? She’s getting ZERO jail time! Weeeee!

Moments after Lohan entered a not guilty plea in her felony theft case — the judge came down on her like a ton of bricks … telling her “things will be different” this time around because she’s on the hook for a felony. During the hearing, Judge Schwartz said Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, and prosecutor Danette Meyers, were going to meet to possibly reach a plea bargain. Lohan — alongside attorney Holley — was then remanded into custody … and is currently being booked. Judge Schwartz set her bail at $20,000 — but warned, “If you violate the law, I will remand you and there will be NO BAIL.” The judge also revoked Lindsay’s probation in the DUI case and set bail at $20,000 — so total bail is $40,000. SOURCE

Alright, so granted it’s not exactly like she walked away scot-free: She paid her $40,000 bail (roughly seventeen times what the necklace actually cost), which means that while she’s walking around a relatively free woman, another fuck up like this will land her in jai- BAHAHAHAHA! I’m just fucking with you. Lindsay in jail? Pshaw. Like that’ll ever happen.

Lindsay Lohan


About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.