Lindsay Lohan is a homebody now?

Lindsay Lohan

Now that Lindsay Lohan has dodged the massive bullet that was heading her way, it’s only right that she move on with the rest of her fuck-up cycle by claiming that she’s really a homebody now and she’ll never go out partying again! Which means somewhere out there, there’s a pretty good chance she’s playing Edward Fortyhands with the empty vodka bottles she had for breakfast. RadarOnline reports:

“I still need to go through the process of proving myself,” the Mean Girls star, 25, tells Lauer in the appearance, which will air Thursday. “You know, with SNL, being on time, being, you know, keeping my — can’t say the word — but stuff together.”

As for the the million dollar question: Is Lindsay still partying? “That’s not my thing anymore,” she tells Lauer. “I went out, actually, a few months ago with a friend. And I was so uncomfortable. Not because I felt tempted, just because it was just the same thing that it always was before. And it just wasn’t fun for me. I’ve become more of a homebody, and I like that.”

I wonder if Lindsay knows that recycling all her empties and walked away with a couple thousand bucks does not necessarily make her a homemaker? Hell, considering how often she’s played the “I don’t party anymore!” card, only to immediately turn around and get shit-faced drunk in public, I think everyone would believe her more if she said that her boobs dispensed fat-free frozen yogurt. “You? A homebody! Ha! That’s cute. Now gimme some chocolate-vanilla swirl, bitch. I’m watching my figure.”

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.