Lindsay Lohan’s shoes were drunk!

Lindsay Lohan

Remember yesterday how pictures went around of Lindsay Lohan looking completely and totally shit-tay while stumbling out of a club where she presumably drank enough to give the entire country of Ireland a buzz? Well, Lindsay does and she wants you all to know that she wasn’t drunk! It was just her shoes! You know, because apparently she never wore high-heels before and they make half her face droop off.

Of course me going to my best friends going away dinner is a headline- especially on my first day out of my house in 35 days. That does not give anyone the right to have a field day and manifest stories. IT WAS A GOING AWAY DINNER, THAT WAS IT. Nothing exciting happened aside from the very yummy hummus and pita. If anyone caused me to nearly fall it was the pyschotic paparazzi …. off to the gym now- have a lovely day xo SOURCE

No, seriously: I’ve seen enough women wear high-hell shoes to know that stumbling a little bit does not make your face droop and shift into some drunken mess the way Lindsay’s does. Oh, wait, what’s that? Her face is actually imploding in on itself thanks to years of drinking and drugs and all the plastic surgery in the world couldn’t rejuvenate that tired-ass leathery duck beak she calls a face? You win this round, imaginary debate opponent.

Lindsay Lohan

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.