Lindsay Lohan wants to get preggers!

Mothers, lock up your sons. And sperm banks, just fucking lock everything. Lindsay Lohan has decided that the one thing that would help her get her life back on track is a baby, because of course they do. Clearly, this woman hasn’t ever changed the channel to TLC, the channel where your vagina literally is a clown car.

The star has confided to a pal that she’s determined to stay sober and thinks the best way for her to achieve that goal is to get pregnant. According to the pal, Lindsay, 24, hates being alone and thinks a baby would make the perfect companion. She’s seen what motherhood has done for former party girl Nicole Richie and thinks it can do the same for her. “She needs to be around someone nearly 24 hours a day,” the pal says. “She thinks having a baby could straighten out her life.” SOURCE

Lindsay does realize that a baby can’t actually talk, right? And she can’t call it in the middle of the night from WeHo to come pick her up because she’s drunk and she can’t find her underwear again. Seriously babies, y’all need to pick up the slack around here. What are we supposed to do here, monitor ourselves? Yeah, right.

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.