Michael Lohan doesn’t understand irony!

Now that Michael Lohan has done everything in his power to make himself look like the biggest goddamn embarrassment in a family of embarrassments, Ol’ Mesh Shirt has decided that he’ll never make another statement to the press regarding his (messy) daughter Lindsay Lohan, ever again. He did so via a statement to the press. I just facepalmed myself so hard I actually gave myself brain damage. How do numbers work again?

In the no-more-statements statement — Papa Lohan declares, “I want to make a public statement that I will not be commenting on ANYTHING relating to my daughter Lindsay, or ANYTHING my ex-wife Dina, or any ‘sources’ related to her, might say.” He continues, “NO MATTER what accusations, lies or conjecture are disseminated to the public about me, for the sake of the ones I love and with hope of creating peace, I WILL NOT respond, in ANY way, to what is said or done, to me.” SOURCE

Oh Michael Lohan … The fact that you made a press statement about not making press statements when we all know that you’ll probably end up making a press statement by the end of the day is a kind of irony so rich, thick and delicious, I can drizzle it over pancakes. Some of you may be wondering why I’m giving someone I hate attention, the very thing they crave. Well, while I’d like to think I live in a world where people go away just because I ignore them, that’s not how it works; Michael Lohan won’t go away no matter how hard I don’t pay attention to him (which is why The Real Housewives are still around), so if he’s gonna be staying, I might as well make his time as unpleasant as possible for him.

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.