Surprise! Michaele Salahi wasn’t actually kidnapped!

So yesterday when I was writing about how famewhore Michaele Salahi was supposedly kidnapped, the first thing I thought of was that crazy chick who ran away from her own wedding and pretended that she was kidnapped because white women be trippin’, yo. Anyway, it turns out I was completely right, Salahi had actually just run away from her husband so that she could ride Neal Schon, the guitarist from Journey like a pogo stick made of meat that shoots cum. TMZ reports:

Michaele Salahi has run off with Neal Schon, the lead guitarist for the band Journey. Tareq called authorities several times last night and today, claiming his wife has been abducted, because she left without taking her belongings. But now we’ve learned … Michaele has been dating the rock icon, went to his show in Nashville last night and is currently with Schon in Memphis, where Journey is set to perform with Foreigner. Scoop Marketing, the rep for Journey, confirmed with us that “Nobody kidnapped her and they are in Memphis together.”

So basically, the Salahis tried to waste police time by pretending this was a kidnapping when in reality it was just another crazy white bitch trolling for fresh peen. I know, shocker. Well, I guess when you break into the White House to be on a reality TV show, then threaten to sue Whoopi Goldberg, there’s really nothing else to do with your life other than let the guitarist from an 80’s band to stick it in your married coochie. I wonder what Michaele’s hubby Tareq Salahi thinks about all this?

Michaele Salahi and Neal Schon

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.