Nic Cage has always been a dick!

Nicolas Cage

By now, you’ve probably heard about how, after years of simmering away under the surface, the raging pot of crazy we know and tolerate as Nic Cage was finally brought to a boil over the weekend as Mr. “NOT THE BEES!” was arrested for domestic abuse and taunting a police officer. But wait, there’s more! It turns out he has a history of batshit insanity, after getting obviously drunk/high off his ass, he became an obnoxious, loud-mouthed douche to everyone around him during Mardi Gras, read on below!

It’s a strange, sad story (if true), made only stranger and sadder by the most recent Editor’s Letter in the May issue of GQ. Jim Nelson had a recent close encounter with Cage at a swanky Big Easy restaurant during Mardi Gras …

“He moved, stumbled, came closer to our tables.
‘Where’s the REAL girls?’ he moaned.
Huh? A few more paces. He’s a foot away from my andouille sausage. Quick. Someone feed him.
He spotted them in the corner, and moved toward them like a drugged Sasquatch. The room seemed to sway like an uncertain boat. The two ladies, alas, had manly company at the table. This did not dissuade Cage.
‘You.’ He pointed at the brunette. ‘You’re a contender.’ He turned to the blonde. ‘You’re not.’
He was soon escorted out of the restaurant by a couple armfuls of hospitality. A manager type stood in the driveway outside and tried to gently scoot him off, the way you might shoo a raccoon you’re not sure is feral. Nearby you could hear the carnival howls of Mardi Gras. The room sighed, slowly went back to digesting.
Then we heard another tussle. Cage was at the doorway, trying to get past the manager dude, grabbing onto the walls, his arms extended out as if he were desperate to catch an existential football. His hand went through a panel in the door, shattering the glass. ‘You LOVE ME!’ he shouted to the restaurant staff, who surely at one point did.” SOURCE

I’m sure everyone is totally shocked about this, until you realize this is the same guy who went broke buying dinosaur skulls, meteorites and pyramids he could be entombed in when he dies. SERIOUSLY. The fact that he’s also an abusive asshole just seems like the natural progression of things. Personally, I’m just waiting for him to launch a tour because as we all know, America loves insane men who are physically, verbally and emotionally abusive towards the women they love. Bonus points if they have bad hair and saggy man-tits.

Nicolas Cage

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.