Nicolas Cage: Domestic abuse, and now child abuse!

Nicolas Cage and Kal-El

We haven’t really been talking that much about Nic Cage here after his arrest for domestic abuse, mostly because he hasn’t gone on talk show after talk show spouting insane gibberish and dumbass catchphrases to hide the fact that he’s a raving, unemployed, schizophrenic drug addict who mistakes hookers for wives he can shoot. Regardless, it’s important to remember how big of a shit Nic is. It turns out, during his drunken violent binge, Nic not only drove to pick up his son while under the influence, he also pulled his son hard onto the ground because he’s as good a father and husband as he is an actor.

Alice told cops … she and Nic continued to argue until they arrived at their home — at which point she claims, “Mr. Cage fell while holding their son. The fall caused the 5-year-old to suffer a minor abrasion to his left knee.” But a witness told cops a slightly different story — saying he saw “Mr. Cage pull the male child to the ground by his hand.” According to the report, “A child abuse detective was notified.” SOURCE

Nope, doesn’t surprise me at all. The man bought himself a fucking pyramid and named his son Kal-El, which is Superman‘s real name. The fact that he would also physically abuse him almost seems like a lateral move after ensuring him a lifetime of wedgies with a name that’s shitballs insane. He honestly couldn’t have given his son a bigger ‘fuck you’ if he had named the kid “You were a mistake and we don’t love you Cage”.

Nicolas Cage and Kal-El

About JEREMY FEIST 5002 Articles
Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.